So Not My Type

so not my type

The phrase “so not my type” refers to when someone romantically pursues or shows interest in you, but you do not reciprocate those feelings because they do not match your preferred romantic partner type or traits you look for in a significant other. This phrase indicates a lack of compatibility, chemistry, or attraction.

What Determines Your “Type”?

Your romantic “type” is influenced by many factors like your background, upbringing, interests, values, attractiveness standards, and relationship goals. For example, some common traits that shape one’s type include:

Physical Attributes

You may be drawn to those with a certain look, style, body type, height, hair color, etc. These superficial preferences are common when initially noticing or being attracted to someone.


Many prioritize personality traits like humor, intelligence, passion, adventurousness, or calmness. You likely want someone whose personality meshes well with yours.


Seeking someone who shares your ambitions, interests, hobbies, values, and goals is key. You want a lifestyle fit.

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Photo: webtoons

Emotional Connection

Having intellectual, spiritual, or emotional chemistry is important. You may desire someone you really “click” with.

Maturity Level

You may seek someone at your maturity level. For example, you may not see eye-to-eye with someone 5-10 years your junior or senior.

Love Language

You likely want someone who shows affection in a way that makes you feel loved and appreciated.

Dealing With Mismatched Types

If you are pursued by someone “so not your type,” be kind yet honest. Do not lead them on or drag things out. Respectfully decline their interest soon after realizing the mismatch.

You can say something like, “I’m flattered, but I don’t think we’re a match romantically. I don’t want to waste your time. I wish you the best of luck out there!”

If they press for reasons, you can vaguely cite lacking chemistry, compatibility, or core attributes you want in a partner. There is no need to criticize their personality or appearance.

Being aware of your “type” helps avoid ineffective relationship pursuits. However, also consider keeping an open mind. You may be surprised where you find love.

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Sometimes Opposites Attract

While having shared values, life visions, and emotional styles is key, contrasts in less fundamental traits can create intrigue and vibrancy between partners.

For example, an extravert may cherish a partner’s steadiness and conscientiousness. Or someone excitable may need a calmer, stabilizing partner. Differences can complement each other beautifully.

So while fundamental lifestyle, maturity, and value alignment are essential, some opposite traits may add color and balance to a relationship.

Evolving Preferences

As you mature and grow through life experiences, your idea of the perfect partner is likely to evolve. Certain qualities become more or less important with time.

For example, superficial attributes like looks, style, and status symbols may matter less later in life. Shared history, companionship, and values may take priority as you age.

So keep an open mind to how your “type” may change throughout your life journey. The right partner may surprise you.

In summary, the phrase “so not my type” signals a mismatch between someone’s overtures and your romantic preferences. But while having alignment on fundamental attributes is key, some opposite traits may complement you well. And your ideal partner criteria will likely evolve over your lifetime. Keep an open heart, and you may just find love in an unexpected place.


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